The Banana Chronicles

I've always wandered aimlessly in the mornings in my gardens. These days, I have to concentrate on being aimless - which, although my chronic state - is a problem as my garden has set paths on a small lot. Anyway - during a'wandering this one day, I sense the presence of Something New. I feel IT: Red, pendulous, bigger than my head - and my head is nothing to sneeze at. I look up, and voila! (or more appropriately: AGH! (or OY?) I behold the glorious bud suspended, bursting mid-air: Floral fireworks. The Star Spangled Banana. Really more like Audrey II, the big-lipped nosher from Little Shop of Horrors ( must-see botanical rock musical.) Little banana plant of yore no-more. This, as the Jefferson Starship might say, is the Crown of Creation. This plant has realized its destiny.


It had gone unnoticed, starting out kind of sheathed, incognito, appearing to be another extraordinary leaf among many, but that day the spectacular banana flower surfaced through the (endless) pool of my oblivion, to my consciousness. Okay, I've gone all 60s on you. Now you know. Welcome, my Friends, to the show that never ends! But seriously - didn't some kind of prehistoric Something surface from the ooze to chow down on this plant's grandma's stem cells?

Anyway, over time, Seymour Banana Flower shot forward while it’s hind petals curled back revealing its hand: A jackpot of perfect fruit, playing peak-a-boo behind the curling red petals. They filled out, plumped, spiraling around the stem revealing Nature’s plan (see 60s note above) in each exquisite fruit.

I was invited up North at the end of October to visit a friend with a new house and wanted to bring some kind of “Floridy” gift. I was stumped up until the day of my departure when, during my morning ramble, I was halted in my tracks by the banana gang's cheerful (but admittedly silent) chorus bidding me “Top of the Morn!”(talking fruits?- Irish ones? - 60s again...)

Airport personnel realized my problems were clearly only of the horticultural variety and UP I FLEW, my carry-on bag alive with giant red banana flower, 3-foot long stalk and semi-ripened fruits. I worried about the rocking and the warmth of the over-head compartment. I wondered if I had unwittingly transported some evolving pudding.

But, no. The banana flower and progeny were sprung for presentation and were intact and suitably appreciated. Fruits still green, they were set on the fireplace mantle to be admired. I spent a day alone at Marcia’s house while she was at work. I lolled on the couch and literally watched those devils ripen over the course of my day. (Just throw in that aforementioned decade reference wherever you like - its always appropriate.)

That evening we stood in the shadows of the towering, autumn-painted maples in Marcia's yard and ate delicious Florida bananas. Bingo! Kumbaya. We are One.

I've since acquired a dwarf banana variety (Cavendish) which doesn't tower. I planted one little plant in the photo-op/children's garden. (bench, sand, then grandbabes, toys - talk about reaching your destiny!)


The other morning, there, right at eye level was the odd-looking sheath I had only imagined. Days went past, each unfurling the Awesome Truth. (Referencing should be happening.)

The babes and grandbabes are dragged out there just about hourly now to see where babies come from. In the sweetest way. (Better than the "doctor book" Emmalee and Taylor are so enthralled with.)

So, the fruits are fruiting, and this plant, with more energy than it knows what to do with, is sending out suckers (baby plants). We'll have to

wait months for the bananas to ripen, but I've been out there digging the extra plants and will be offering them for sale. It's Psychedelic BananaRama, Baby! Right from the ooze to youse. (I have not mentioned New Jersey once in this installment…) In time, I should have a few plants to mail out. Let me know if you want one.